Count Myself a Queen of Infinite Space {Tanya}

[Annie Prince]

O God, I could be bounded in a nut shell and count
myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I
have bad dreams.

- Hamlet, Hamlet, Act II Sc. II

It was about one in the morning, and Room 3 on the girls' side of the Wave Dorm was completely silent except for the soft, steady breathing of its sleeping inhabitants.

---

Annie is--

No, her name is not Annie. At the first day of school, the teachers always call her name from the roll as Annie Prince, but that isn't who she is. Snežana Zupan is hurrying through school hallways, shepherded by some faceless teacher. New student. Doesn't know where she is. She quickly loses track of all the turns they take, although a few landmarks stick out in her mind. A drawing of a Pidgey tacked to a wall. A drinking fountain. Another turn, and another, and then she realizes that she is all alone. She doesn't remember how she got here. She tries to retrace her steps so that she can go back--

And she is back where she started, hurrying through the hallways, shepherded by the teacher whose name she does not know. This time, she is determined to stay with the teacher so that she doesn't get completely lost. There's the drinking fountain. There's the picture, only it isn't a Pidgey at all, but a Starly. The Starly flaps its wings and comes tearing out through the paper into reality. Its wing fills her whole vision, and then blood is running down Snežana's face and she collapses on the hard asphalt of the schoolyard--

But she knows she's done this before and she's not going to let it end the same way again, because now she's got Pokémon of her own. She's hurt, she's bleeding, but she can defend herself. She fumbles at her Poké Balls and presses the button to release--

No, before she even knows which one she's released, Robin is yelling at her. He never asked for her help, he insists. He doesn't need her. She protests that she's got a promise to keep, a promise to Mother, and she can't just break it--

And the Starly comes back out of nowhere and strikes her down.

---

It was dark and silent, and Annie couldn't move. With that last image of her dream still filling her mind, she was certain for a single moment that she must have died. She tried to scream, but only a high, hoarse whimper came out. But it was a sound, and as her eyes adjusted she realized that she was in her bed in the dorm. Now that her body was no longer paralyzed by dreaming, she began to shiver. She grasped at a Poké Ball that was on her nightstand and released her Snorunt. Desperate and shaking, she petted the icy little creature, letting the cold soothe her.

{ Tag Tanya Christianson }

[Tanya Christianson]

Tanya let out a loud yawn as she found herself waking up. While up until that moment she had been having a nice sleep, there were sounds that jolted her into a state of consciousness somewhat against her own will. Looking outside, she realized it was still dark outside. She then looked towards her alarm clock, which was saying that it was 1 am in the morning.

Wondering what woke her up, she looked over towards her roommate. Seeing her shiver and shake, Tanya immediately realized that something was very wrong. Sitting up in her bed, she rubbed her eyes and stretched, trying to get some energy into her system before she turned towards Annie.

"H-hey Annie. Are you ok?" Tanya asked in a concern tone, squinting due to the darkness. She had not seen Annie like this before. She was more used to seeing her act like an ice queen, cool and composed yet also chilling at first. Seeing her acting like this set off alarm bells in her mind as her sisterly instincts started to take over.

[Annie Prince]

A yawn from Tanya's side of the room reminded Annie of the fact that she was not alone. She tried to remain quiet, so as not to disturb her roommate, but apparently it was too late for that, because the other girl's voice was already asking if she was okay.

Annie waved her hand, trying to dismiss the matter. "It was just a dream, just a..." Except it wasn't just a dream. It was just a mishmash of memories. It was just an overwhelming sense that she was in danger. It was just panic.

Her scars tingled and stung. That was the worst part about dreams like that: sometimes her brain became so convinced that she had been injured again that she genuinely could not tell if the injury was real or not. Rubbing her face, Annie froze when she felt her fingers touch something wet. "Tanya... am I bleeding?"

Pulling her hand away in a sudden panic, Annie saw that the liquid was clear, rather than dark. It must be sweat, not blood. "No, no," she muttered. "My mistake. I'm fine... I'm fine. I'm not fine."

[Tanya Christianson]

Apparently she had a nightmare of some sorts. Whatever it was, it seemed to have seriously shaken Annie. Getting out of bed, Tanya immediately moved over towards Annie, not really thinking about whether or not she would appreciate the breach of personal space. Her sisterly instincts were telling her to take care of her.

"Don't worry Annie, you're not bleeding." Tanya reassured, putting a hand on her back and slowly rubbing Annie's back in a calming motion. Tanya was getting really worried now. Annie seemed to be getting delusional, thinking that her wounds were bleeding even though they had healed. Her dream must've been really intense.

Tanya stayed quiet, rubbing Annie's back forwards and backwards and trying her best to calm her down. No matter what Annie told her, she was not fine. While she knew she probably should contact a Wave Dorm admin, it was way too late in the evening to do so and she wasn't sure if she would like having so much attention on her.

"Hey, do you wanna talk about it?" Tanya asked reproachfully, continuing to rub her roommate's back. "I told you I'd listen if you wanted to talk about anything and I can tell something is wrong. Can I know what the dream was about?"

[Annie Prince]

The feeling of a comforting hand on her back was unfamiliar to Annie. She tensed for a moment, but then relaxed with a sigh. It had been so long since anyone had treated her like this...

She held her Snorunt close, more for the comfort of companionship than anything. Tanya's presence also helped. This was reality, this was the present. There were no Starly about to burst out of the woodwork, no hostile Trainers looking to rip her apart. That was all dreams and the past. Even if she couldn't get those images out of her head.

To Tanya's question... if she hadn't been so shaken, Annie might have just brushed it off, but now she didn't really have the strength for that. Instead, she gestured to her scarred face. "This... isn't exactly a birthmark," she began, and laughed darkly. "I dreamed about it happening all over again, with the boy and his Starly, only in the dream my brother tried to stop me and got me killed." She shook her head. "It should have ended like that in real life, really. People don't just survive hand-to-hand combat with a Pokémon that's serious about it. I don't ever want to have to do it again. And that was what it took for me to get a chance to train Pokémon of my own, and it cost me my brother..."

[Tanya Christianson]

Tanya stayed silent throughout the entire time, continuing to rub the back of Annie's back as it seemed to elicit a positive response from her. A solemn look appeared on her face as Annie revealed some of her past to her. She understood why she didn't want to talk about her past very much. Judging from the sounds of it, it was less than pretty.

"I am so sorry." Was all Tanya could think to say, continuing to rub her back as she worked to get rid of all the negative feelings she had at the moment. She wasn't really sure if saying anything else would be appropriate. It was clear that the girl was walking on a thin line and she didn't want to accidentally say something that would send her over the tipping point.

Thinking about what to do, she got out one of her pokeballs. Pressing the button, she sent out her Munna, Daniella. Floating in the air, she gave off a gentle vibe as she floated over to Tanya and sat on top of her head.

"Don't worry, I'll keep you safe. I'll stay up as long as you need to." Tanya cooed, repeatedly reinsuring that she was going to keep her safe. "You can go back to sleep if you want and I'll just have Daniella here eat your bad dreams. That way, you'll forget that you even had them. It'll help you sleep and I'll stay awake for as long as it takes. Don't worry about me."

Thinking about what Annie said, she couldn't believe a trainer would do something like that. She would never use her pokemon to intentionally harm a trainer. That just was wrong in so many ways. She could never wish something like that upon anyone, even people she really didn't like. She looked deep in thought as she continuously rubbed Annie, making sure that she knew that she was still here.

[Annie Prince]

Annie was starting to calm down, much to her relief. The dream was fading a little bit, though the memories it was based on never really went away. It helped, that she was not alone. It helped that Tanya didn't seem to be looking down on her.

Having a protective roommate was turning out to be different, Annie noted absently. She wasn't used to being kept safe like this; it had been a long time since she had been offered real protection that wasn't just an excuse to keep her under control. And the most unusual part was that she wanted to trust Tanya. Her roommate could be irritating sometimes, but she seemed to be in earnest about wanting Annie to feel better. That was strange, and... kind of nice.

The Munna was cute, too. Little pink Pokémon with purple flowers on its side and a stubby little face. Dušana seemed to agree, as the Snorunt gave a pleasant chirp, rather than one of nervousness, in response to the Daniella's appearance. That was the nice thing about being a Trainer. Pokémon could be friends, helpers, companions--not just threats.

"I don't think I should sleep again just yet," Annie admitted. Even with the nightmare-eating Munna present, Annie didn't want to sleep now. Looking at Tanya's face, she saw that her roommate had on a thoughtful expression. "Say... what are you thinking about?" With anyone else, she would have worried about being intrusive, but by now she had learned that Tanya didn't mind intrusive questions like that.

[Tanya Christianson]

Tanya continued to stay silent, her thoughts drifted through multiple topics. It was hard for her to keep a hold of a single thought as it seemed like the thoughts had a mind of their own. As soon as she was able to latch onto one thought, the other would grow in intensity. It seemed like a constant cycle, never allowing Tanya to fully think about a single thing before her mind shifted to the next one.

First, the thoughts about abuse through the use of pokemon was still present. The misuse of pokemon was something that she took very seriously. It was no laughing matter when a person was hurt by a pokemon. She was relieved that when Dani tried to get Oleg off her, she hit the water instead of the person. Even though she managed to avoid him getting hurt, Tanya still gave Dani a stern talking to after that incident, making sure she never pulled a stunt like that unless Tanya knew it was 100% safe.

Her next thought drifted back to her family. Comforting Annie like this brought her back to the times where she comforted her brothers when they had problems sleeping. Though they slept in different rooms, her younger brothers would occasionally come into her room and ask her to stay with them until they slept. She sometimes got annoyed by their requests, but never could say no. 

She wondered how they were doing now. Daniel had left the house to follow his contest dreams when she was 12, leaving her to act as the oldest sibling in the household. Now that she was gone, she wondered who was going to comfort Christopher and Nicholas when they had trouble sleeping? Who would be the one to provide them with a challenge in pokemon battles? When she thought of it like that, Tanya felt bad about leaving them behind to pursue her own dreams. In a way, it was selfish.

'What, me?" Tanya asked, somewhat perplexed. She was so used to seeing the frigid Annie. The one that had a heart like ice. She was used to describing her as an ice queen in every sense of the word. Though she was her roommate, she had a very narrow perspective of her personality and only really saw her in a single dimension. Seeing her like this opened her eyes to the idea that maybe she wasn't the person that she presented to the world.

"Well, I'm thinking about a lot of things." Tanya stated, tapping the chin with her free hand as she tried to think of a way to articulate her thoughts. "Well, there are two main avenues of thought. The first is what you mentioned in your dream. The thought of abuse through pokemon scares me. It scares me because I think that it's so easy to exploit and it's very easy to fall into the trap of using your pokemon to do your dirty work. It's so easy to hurt someone with pokemon moves and I never want to misuse my pokemon like that."

Tanya took her time before speaking about the second thought. It seemed to be a much more personal thing for her and not one she had talked about with anyone else in the academy. More due to the fact that no one ever asked about that aspect of her life than anything else. Still, she wanted to find the right words to talk about her thoughts.

"The second thing is my family. Well to be more specific, my younger brothers. Their names are Christopher and Nicholas. They're a bit immature and they're really annoying at times, but I love them to bits. When they couldn't sleep, they used to come to my room and ask me to stay with them till they slept, sorta like with you now. I dunno, I guess doing this made me think of them." 

She could feel a few tears coming to her eyes as she thought about her family back in Fallarbor Town. She tried to rub them off, but she could still feel them slowly falling. She couldn't cry. Not now. She had to stay strong for Annie. She had to stay strong for her family, even though they weren't there.

While this was all happening, Danielle floated off of Tanya's head and towards the Snorunt. Giving a friendly smile, she decided to roll in the air in an attempt to please the ice pokemon. It seemed like the Munna liked the Snorunt as well, since she seemed to be making an effort to socialize with the pokemon.

[Annie Prince]

It actually interested Annie to hear Tanya talk about what she was thinking. Sort of a relief, even. That she was troubled by the idea of Trainers using their Pokémon to hurt people made Annie feel less alone, somehow. It wasn't just some strange thing that she had been through. It was a dangerous thing that could be, but had to be, avoided.

The description of Tanya's younger brothers moved Annie more than she had expected. "I have a younger brother, too," she admitted. "His name is Robin, and he's--" Her voice caught. Annie swallowed her impending tears, and tried again. "He's the center of my universe. And he hates me now."

[Tanya Christianson]

Her head turned towards Annie when she began talking about her brother. Like her, Annie had a younger sibling as well. Seeing her get choked up, confessing that her younger brother hated her was all it took for Tanya to begin crying as well. Moving over towards Annie, she didn't ask her before she gave her an awkward hug, the situation made harder due to the presence of the Snorunt.

She didn't say anything. She didn't want to say words like "how awful" or "that's not true". They seemed callous in a situation like this. Tanya couldn't imagine what her life would be like if her siblings hated her. One of the only reasons her family even worked was because they were so close to each other. They kept together like a group.

It's what made her brother's adventure much harder for her. She remembered refusing to talk to him when he told her and locking herself in the room to cry. She felt lost and alone. She felt betrayed. Yet, even though that happened, a few years later and here she was, off to some academy without so much of a look backwards to think about her family or her siblings.

She wouldn't be surprised if her siblings weren't happy with her. When she was leaving, she never did properly patch up their relationship. She never properly explained to them why she left, only saying that she wanted to go there. They were angry and at the time, she told them that they didn't understand. Maybe she should've made a better effort at understanding.

Eventually, she stopped hugging Annie, shuffling slightly away as she tried to rub away the tears. She felt like such a loser now and she felt like she made a mistake coming here. She felt selfish for leaving them behind and pursuing a path that could potentially harm people down the line. If Annie's injuries were caused by a mere Starly, her pokemon could do much worse. They could probably even kill.

"I-im sorry Annie." Tanya blubbered, unable to get out anything else as she tried to deal with the deluge of tears she had been suddenly hit with.

[Annie Prince]

Once Tanya started crying, Annie didn't bother trying to hold back her own tears. She found herself hugging her roommate (as well as the sandwiched Dušana), sobbing her brokenheartedness at the separation from the most important person in her life. And this time she had someone with her who was also crying. She didn't completely understand why Tanya was so sad, but it was such a relief to not be the only one.

Tanya pulled away, and she was crying so hard... Annie reached out and gently patted the darker-haired girl on the back. It just felt natural, what with all that had happened this night. There were no words for what she wanted to say, but her careful hands trying to rub comfort into the other girl's back said as much as she could.

Annie might never talk about any of this in the morning, but it seemed like something had changed between them. Such a strange experience, to be comforting one another so.

[Tanya Christianson]

Tanya found it hard to believe when Annie started hugging her back. It seemed like the tears were bringing them together. While she would've wanted to be brought together in a more positive way, she could still feel a friendship forming between the two of them as Tanya let her insecurities bubble over and wash over her body.

Tanya put her head in her hands, looking ashamed of herself as she was reassuringly patted on the back. She needed to be the strong one. Having to act as the oldest sibling, she couldn't be the one to show weakness. Yet, here she was, crying about her family and choices. It was almost hilarious how pathetic she looked.

Tanya tried to take deep breaths, calming herself down and pushing back the tears that wanted to come out. After a while, thanks to Annie's actions, Tanya was able to stop crying. Looking over towards Annie with puffy eyes, she gave a small smile.

"I'm sorry. A lot of feelings came out of nowhere for me. I shouldn't be crying like this." Tanya apologized, sheepishly looking to the floor.

[Annie Prince]

It struck Annie as almost funny that Tanya was apologizing for crying. "And I thought I was the one who was trying too hard to be strong," she commented wryly. "Have we switched places? I thought you were the one who always said what she felt." It was so obvious, by this point, that they were both much more complex people than they usually seemed to be.

Annie realized at around that point that Dušana had wandered off. The Snorunt hadn't gone far; she was watching Tanya's Munna with as enchanted a look as Annie had ever seen on one of her species. "I guess this is our home," the Trainer commented. "If Duš--if Spirit is used to it, it must be home."

[Tanya Christianson]

Tanya chuckled lightly at Annie's observations. It felt weird being open about her feelings like this. She put so much emphasis on being a confident, outgoing person and being a role model for her younger brothers. She knew she could get excited, but at times, she let that be a defining aspect of her personality. Always be positive. Always smile. Be happy. Most of the time, she genuinely did feel that way. Other times though, she found herself facing emotions she didn't want others to see.

"I could say the same thing about you." Tanya commented dryly, smiling light heartedly and laughing for a short moment. "I thought you were an Ice Queen when we first met. You seemed so cool and composed. I guess we both are more complex than we first thought, huh?"

She let the question sit in the air, gathering her thoughts for a moment. It seemed like tonight was a night of personal inflection. Was she being too judgmental of people? After all, Annie turned out to be a much more compelling person than she was when she first met her. She made quite a few opinions about her and she wondered if her moments of interaction with her were just her being kind for the sake of it, rather than actually wanting to know her.

She watched Daniella, who was busy entertaining the Snorunt. She slowly spun in the air, letting out a few happy sounds as she looked to be having fun. She was glad that Spirit seemed to be having fun with Daniella. They looked rather adorable together, truth be told.

"It must be nice, being at home, huh?" Tanya said in response, the corners of her mouth subtly forming a frown. She basically ran away from home. She ran away from her responsibilities to pursue her dream. Was it right of her to do that though?

[Annie Prince]

Annie's mouth twisted into a smile at Tanya's description of her. Ice Queen. It rather fit, honestly. Right down to her preferred type of Pokémon...

It fit, and everything that Tanya said was pretty much accurate, echoing Annie's own thoughts well enough that she could do nothing but nod. Their first impressions of each other had certainly been misleading. Of course, Annie reflected, she aimed to mislead. It seemed better to her for people to be unduly intimidated by her than for them to see how weak and lonely she really was. Better to seem arrogant than cowardly. Better...

But now she found herself, essentially by accident, open and vulnerable with another person--who had in turn cried and laughed and been honest with her. Such a strange, unfamiliar concept.

Such a strangely pleasant one.

Annie was surprised when Tanya commented on her whimsical little musing about this being home. "Nice? Yes, I suppose it is. Nice, and also new. It's been a while since I felt at home anywhere." It wasn't a perfect home. She was still estranged from her brother, for one thing. And nothing could make up for the fact that she didn't have a living mother or a loving father. But she had Pokémon friends... and maybe a human friend, too.