Mason Wolf

[Mason Wolf]

Name: Mason "Wolfy" Wolf
Age: 16
Date of Birth: June 23
Birthplace: Hearthome city, Sinnoh
Gender: Male
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual
Face Claim:
 
Gengorou Gouda from Elle:PrieR ~Shiawase no Kakera o Sagashite~

Appearance: A young male standing at about 5'7" and weighing at about 178 pounds, he has dirty blonde short hair and a pair of rimless glasses (which he keeps in it's case most of the time due to him wearing contacts) that sit upon the bridge of his nose and Brown eyes. He usually sticks to school uniform but when the weather is nice and he's all done with his classes he puts on a pair of blue and white shorts with a green tank-top. When the weather gets bad then he's dressed in a waterproof bright orange poncho which goes over his other clothes to keep them dry

Distinguishing Features: Has a necklace resembling a unknown around his neck.
Height: 5'7"
Character Type: Student

Personality: Mason is a very calm person until one of his most hated dislikes hits him. When this happens he's usually a bit grumpy during this time and might lash out at someone for his usual composure is broken by his dislikes. When his dislikes don't attack, he's calm and caring for any whom seek help or his friends need help with something. He is occasionally listening to Mozart when working or just walking around. In battle, he uses all of his smarts on Pokemon to overpower his opponent. He can understand what his pokemon say but not others for he has spent a large amount of time with them trying to build a friendship.

Likes: Meatball sub, Books, Water and fighting types (Obsessive), and Classic music.

Dislikes: Dubstep, Being in hot places, In the Dark while outside, Scary games.

History: Mason was born and raised in Hearthome in the Sinnoh where he was exposed to his mother's contests and his father's fighting. He learned from his parents at a early age that pokemon were more than just pets or partners but they were also family and watched both of them compete in contests and battles almost every day. He attended the local school and attended in a few Junior Rental Tournaments and contests to increase his knowledge of fighting styles and ideas for future contests. He filled his room with books about Pokemon and the different regions for it was his favorite hobby to read fantasies and legends from other regions.

When he turned 16 he learned about the academy from a TV News station and decided it would be the best place for him to become a strong pokemon trainer/coordinator just like his parents. He pcaked his bag and finally left home and borrowed his Father's Dewott for a safe journey to the Island. He met many trainers on the way to the nearest port and found a boat that was heading to the island which held the academy. After a day of sea travel, he finally reached the island and sent his father's pokemon back via his father's PC account before heading to the doors of the academy to register.

Dorm: Wave Dorm

Uniform Color: Blue

Starter Pokemon:

Name: Maxwell
Pokemon: Oshawott
Gender:Male
Moves:
Watergun
Razor Shell
Tackle
Fury cutter
Ability: Torrent: When HP is below 1/3rd, Water’s power increases to 1.5 times.

Name: Lotus
Pokemon: Noibat
Gender:Female
Moves:
Wing attack
Bite
Supersonic
Super Fang
Ability: Infiltrator: The protections and stat boosts caused by the moves Substitute, Reflect, Light Screen and Safeguard by the opponent are ignored.

Played By: Mason Wolfy

[Akira]

Not just no, but hell no!

Yeah...there are are a lot of things I don't like about his, but I'm gonna focus on the most glaring. You took an obviously-fanmade Hetalia character (to my knowledge, a character based on Scotland has yet to make an appearance), and...turned him into a stereotypical Scotsman. From a region based on France. I'm sorry but no. Even if I could overlook the blatant stereotypes (especially the kilt and bagpipes), it just flat-out doesn't make any sense (not that a region based on Scotland wouldn't be awesome, but I digress).

Additionally, the limit for how old students students is 16, so that needs to change. As for his history, maybe this is just me, but, canon or not, randomly throwing a hurricane (you know...things that have been known to completely wreck entire cities) at one of the games' actual cities just for the sake of dramatic backstory really rubs me the wrong way. I also wouldn't mind more on how/why he decided to go to the academy...however, that's one minor problem sitting among several major ones.

I'm going to be frank. Short of completely rewriting it, there's no way I see myself (or any of the other mods) ever accepting this character. So...yeah. Nothing personal, but I'm afraid you're gonna have to come up with something else.

[Mason Wolf]

Alright, It was Worth a shot but might as well go to plan B.

Reuse the Character I barely RPed with from Falling Star.

I hope this is more to your likin'.

[Akira]

Sorry, but...

Not quite. This might have been accepted on FSA, but I'm afraid our standards are a bit higher on here.

First off, there are some spelling and grammar errors that you should really try to fix. Most noticeable are a couple sentences that aren't capitalized, and a few broken or run-on sentences here and there.

As for the history, I have one major issue. The incident with the Growlithe. It feels as though it was tacked on at the last minute for no purpose other than to give him a cool-looking scar. Especially because it's just casually brought up like it's no big deal, then never mentioned again. Getting your shirt set on fire and burned on your neck severely enough that it leaves a permanent scar kinda demands a bit more explanation than "oh by the way, that happened".

I mean, yeah, I've given a few of my characters scars before. But they were always linked heavily to both their histories and their personalities. Here, there's nothing. It's just something that randomly happened. Like, how long did it take him to recover from the burns? Also, I'd assume he was rushed to the hospital, but what then? What was going through his mind throughout all this? Hell, what became of the Growlithe that accidentally injured him? If you wanna give your character a severe injury, then that's fine, but don't just gloss over it like it isn't a big deal then expect me not to say anything.

On a lesser note, the whole "reading middle school level books at the age of 6" thing kinda bugs me. Like...I know it's not impossible, but it still seems incredibly far-fetched. Most kids are still learning how to read at around that age. If anything, I'd like it if you would bump it up to maybe 9 or 10. Those seem like more reasonable ages for something like that.

Overall...yeah. This is a major improvement over the first profile, but there's still a lot you're gonna need to fix before this can be accepted.

[Mason Wolf]

There you go, Edited.

[Seta]

Alright, from what I'm reading you seem to be missing the point in this. So, I'm gonna make this simple and go down by list.

Firstly, you need a face claim. We can help you with finding one but that is a necessity. The only purpose of the face claim as said in the rules is so they have just that, a face.

Secondly, and this is just a minor issue, but you do know you don't have to add a pokemon name to a famous musician so that they fit in the world right? "Murkrowzart" doesn't even fit here, it'd be a name in a PMD RP then a Trainer rp. You can just call him Mozart. You aren't going to be sued.

Moving on to the History, it feels like you are skipping over crucial parts of his life, mostly in the case of the first paragraph. Where you give a brief explanation of his parent's careers, and then go on to what he did at ten-years-old. It just needs a little expanding. Like, why did he show an attraction to pokemon, did he have a choice in learning about pokemon, how did his parents feel, etc. Questions you can ask yourself that will help in expanding your history and give them depth.

Finally, for how he got to the academy. Honestly, it just does not make sense. To raise money to get to the academy he worked at a ranch for three months? This is an academy. You aren't buying an Xbox.  People here have gotten scholarships, paid tuition, or have been recommended by someone. For him to have amassed that much money in so little time just does not make sense.

Oh yeah, and the dragon icon, won't really fly once you get accepted. I can crop a picture of your fc for you when you are accepted
 

[Mason Wolf]

Edited and that Dragon is temporary.

[Akira]

We're done...

I hate to do this. I really do. But, I have to be frank. Neither I nor any of the other mods see this profile getting accepted. At all.  I appreciate that you've at least been trying to fix the the problems we've addressed. However, you keep missing the point of what we're saying, and each time you make an edit, you go on to miss the point in an entirely different manner.

It's like we we tell you not to do something because it's going too far in a specific direction, so you respond by going too far in the opposite direction. Either way, I personally have nothing against you, but the fact that we keep asking you to change something is kind of looking bad for you. If it's taking you this many tries and you still aren't accepted yet, then I strongly doubt that it's going to happen any time soon. So...yeah. I'm sorry, but I don't think this is going to happen.

[Mason Wolf]

Now I see that the admins and moderators here barely have any patience with applications and new people. so I'm leaving with a few words left behind for Akira the most.

Scriú tú, scriú do mháthair, Scriú do charr, scriú go dúr aghaidh ag lorg de mise agus gach rud faoi tú scriú.

I Highly suggest you translate that, Now I'm out. Peace out Hündin

[Akira]

On the off chance that you come back and see this response, I have a two things to say.

1) If we didn't "have any patience with applications and new people", then we wouldn't have given you three chances to fix your profile. That's probably more than the admins on some other sites I've been on would have considered. Not to mention that there are multiple new members who weren't on FSA, and had no problems whatsoever with getting their characters accepted. Usually on the first try. So don't go blaming us for your inability to make a profile that meets our standards; which, in all honesty, aren't even that high.

2) Whatever the hell you said, I tried putting it through multiple translators (and tried multiple languages since I had no clue what language that was supposed to be), and none of them actually came up with anything. So...I dunno what point you were trying to make, but it failed spectacularly.