Emotion Creep [Tanya]

[Seria Floria]

Seria, today, had her mother's diary with her. She found an empty classroom, alone, with peace and quiet, where she could read the diary and try to study more about the legendary Pokemon had scene. Meeting with Karin had given her additional confidence that she could attain her dream. She just needed to prove she had the willpower and ability to make it happen. She was idly flipping through her book until she ran into a brief section about the legendary Pokemon of Kalos - the life-giver and the death-bringer. Names were not listed, but she suddenly found herself thinking of Amanda, upon noticing the name of the region - Kalos. She started to blush just thinking about her.

Deep down inside, Seria wondered... How was she doing right now? Was she doing alright? Had something happened? She prayed, deep inside, that Amanda was alright. For she truly felt she had some sort of connection with her. She was now trying to figure out more concretely what these feelings actually were, if this really was love. She continued staring at the pages in the diary, scarce in writing. The more she stared at the words written on the page, scant as they were, the more she found herself liking her, for some reason. It was as if her mind was dominated with thoughts of the girl.

She sighed heavily in thought and contemplation. She looked incredibly deep in thought, though one quick look at her would tell you that she definitely was not lost. She wondered if her feelings for Amanda could really be called 'love.' Then, she soon came to a realization.

She had to tell Amanda about it.

That was then...

[Tanya Christianson]

Was she doing the right thing? A million questions were swimming in her head as she tried her best to find Seria. She needed to get these feelings off her chest, to get her to think before she jumped into something that could harm her. Seeing Jennifer was a wake-up call to just how dangerous love could be. She didn't want to see the same thing happen to Seria.

Looking inside the classrooms, she managed to find Seria. She always seemed to have that diary with her. Tanya noticed that something was up. She seemed deep in thought about something. While she didn't want to come to that conclusion, it might be possible that she was thinking about Amanda.

She had to say something to her. She had to protect her. The issue was though, she was having problems just stepping into the room, let alone talking to her friend. Tanya had to remind herself to calm down and take deep breaths. Closing her eyes, she started to regulate her breathing, focusing on the actions in an attempt to calm herself down. After a moment, while having her eyes closed, she decided to step into the room.

"Hey Seria, do you mind if we talk about something?"

[Seria Floria]

Seria was pensively scratching her chin and continuing to look at the pages in that diary. Life-giver, death bringer. Love... Yes. I need to tell her... As soon as I can. Seria thought to herself resolutely, and soon she heard footsteps. Someone walked into the room. It took Seria about a moment to realize that Tanya had walked in. She turned her head calmly and faced Tanya, and she seemed... calm. Too calm. Something was up. And something was definitely up the moment Tanya asked Seria if they could talk. "...Um... Yes, sure? Is there something important you needed to speak to me about?" Seria said calmly, one of her hands clenched into a fist and placed against her chest where her heart lay beneath, beating. Seria was nervous.

Whenever Tanya was like this, it meant stuff was going to get real.

[Tanya Christianson]

Why was she doing this? Tanya could feel her heartbeat rising and it felt like her insides were trying to escape through her mouth, causing her to feel a choking sensation. Remembering how Seria felt about Amanda, Tanya was petrified about telling her what she wanted to say. She had to say it though.

"Well, it's about you and Amanda." Tanya began, twiddling her thumbs as she moved closer to Seria. Since this didn't seem like the thing that other people should hear, Tanya closed the door behind her first. She felt really uncomfortable being next to her, so she sat a few chairs down, looking down at the floor for a moment to regain her composure.

"I don't know if it's a good idea. I mean I was talking to her and then she started to break down and cry when I talked about you. She was a wreck and I had never seen her like that before. She wasn't the Amanda I knew. I was just thinking, maybe warning you, that it might not be such a good idea to have a relationship."

There, she said it. She stayed quiet for a moment, gauging a reaction in her friend and giving her some time to take in those words. Eventually, she decided to continue talking. "I'm worried Seria. I don't want to see you like that. I don't want you to get hurt and throw yourself into something that you have no idea how it will go. I know you're happy now, but what's going to happen later? If Amanda is like that now, what the heck will she be like later? I just think that from what I've seen, this might not be the best thing for you."

Tanya decided to stay quiet. She watched Seria nervously, hiding her hands underneath her seat as she clenched her hands. Her insides were screaming to get out of there, but she stayed. She needed to be there for her friend.

[Seria Floria]

Seria heard the door close. Yes, things were about to evidently get real. There was a tense air between the two of them. Silence reigned for a few awkward moments. Then, Tanya opened her mouth, and spoke. She mentioned Seria's relationship with Amanda. Of course. At this mention, Seria hung her head low. Tanya could probably not tell if it was because she was sad, or if because of something else. But Seria was definitely not sad. She was listening intently, her fist now trembling on her chest. Tanya continued. I don't know if it's a good idea.

Might not be such a good idea.

warning you

worried

i don't want to see you like that

she was a wreck

what the heck will she be like that later

Seria was trembling more and more as she listened attentively to Tanya's words. Then enough was enough. She respected Tanya as a trainer, as a friend, and knew when she could be trusted and held in somewhat of high authority. But this, this? This was full of crap. Seria was having none of it. When she heard how Amanda reacted, Seria knew that all was not what it seemed. Or so she thought. Seria knew she had to be there for Amanda right now. Tanya telling Seria to break up with Amanda or whatever stupid thing she wanted her to do, only made the Nature dormer more determined to make this work. Seria stood up from her chair, leaving the diary on the desk she was seated at. Her head still hung low, but she was trembling. She was trembling with rage. She turned up straight, confidently, and looked at Tanya.

Her eyes were watery.

"What do you know?! What gives you the authority to tell me that I'm getting into a bad situation? You don't know the thick of it! You don't even know why she got upset! Whenever I was with her, she never seemed that way! We spent many precious moments together and I find it hard to believe that she would simply behave like that when you bring it up!" Seria was heaving and shivering. Her voice became hoarse and a little raspy. "There are a lot of things I respect about you, but this certainly isn't one of them! All you're giving me is more of a reason to go to Amanda and console her, and make her feel better! I'm sorry, but I cannot leave her alone now that you've mentioned this. You're full of... ...Ponyta manure!"

[Tanya Christianson]

The bomb had been dropped. Tanya felt immediately guilty when she saw Seria get up from her chair. She obviously didn't like what she had to say. She had not seen her stand up so confidently, which made the context behind the scenario that much worse. She just wanted to vomit at the moment, the emotions churning up her insides and crushing them into mulch.

Tanya's eyes began to water as Seria started shouting at her. Seeing her so angry was terrifying for the Wave Dormer and she was finding it hard to maintain her composure. She tried to take deep breaths and calm herself down, but the onslaught of words slashed at her to the point where she felt incredibly vulnerable and uncomfortable.

She started crying by the time Seria had finished, losing all sense of control as tears flew out of her face. All she wanted to do was protect her. Was that so much to ask? Standing up, Tanya gave a desperate, sorrow-filled look towards Seria as she moved in between her and the door. She was not going to leave that easily.

"You have to listen to me Seria!" Tanya wailed, never breaking eye contact with her friend as she continued to cry. "I'm just worried! I don't want you to get hurt! Love does horrible stuff to people. Oleg can't even keep a coherent sentence whenever he's around Kyrie. Amanda broke down due to how intense her feelings were. How can you say that something like that is healthy for a person? How can something like that be healthy for anyone!?"

Tanya was using all of her energy to stand straight, extending her arms out to prevent her friend from moving past her. Seria didn't get it! She was trying to help her. She needed to understand where she was coming from. She needed to know that this wasn't safe! Tanya yelped the last words, struggling to form coherent sentences by this point

"A-a-all I w-w-w-want to do is keep you safe. T-T-TV shows paint love to be this p-p-positive thing, y-y-yet at the same time, t-t-tthere are shows and films where people do insane stuff for love. People k-k-k-kill, p-p-p-people go insane Seria. I d-d-don't want the same to happen to you. I t-t-told Amanda not to do anything to hurt you Seria. I don't want you to get hurt. Why can't you understand?" 

Tanya was past the point of coherent thought. She needed to convince Seria. She needed to to do this. She had to keep her safe. That was the only way she could be sure that she would be ok. Tanya didn't want her to get hurt. 

"I care way too much for you to get hurt Seria."

[Seria Floria]

Tanya began to cry as Seria shivered and trembled, still somewhat angry, but she was no longer furious once she realized she had made her friend cry. But, she could not bring herself to calm herself down, for Tanya had no idea of what was really going on. And it was further confirmed when Tanya began to say that she was doing this toprotect her. Yet... yet... Seria felt her rage build up again when she heard that Tanya actually told Amanda not to do anything to hurt her? What, did Tanya not trust the relationship and bond that they held? She was spouting all this nonsense about television and movies and films that depict the crazy, insane things that people do for love. And that was it. Seria had enough. Tanya attempted to block Seria's only way out of the room.

Seria did not budge from her standing spot in the classroom. She continued to look at Tanya. Tears started to flow silently down Seria's cheeks as she too, began to weep. Though it was from the sheer emotional backlash of it all. Protection! How absurd! Seria could not even imagine what she needed protection from! It was simply the perspective of someone whose only views on love were built upon the foundations of stupid dramas and soap operas! No comment on the various tales between actual trainers who've built solid relationships of their own? No comment on the parents who have settled and raised families? It was a horrendously narrow-minded view, and it only served to rattle Seria further, who was used to intellectual discourse.

"You are being utterly selfish..." Seria said unusually ominously, finally letting her voice quiver as it's now very clear that she's also crying. "You told her 'not to do anything to hurt me?' Do you even trust our relationship? You must have threatened her not to do so. That's the only way I could have seen her crying and breaking down from her intense emotions." This would probably be one of the most inopportune times for Seria to get really serious and focused - at least for Tanya.

"Your basis for your views are founded on... television shows? Movies? Films that depict these insane acts...? What the heck's wrong with you...?" Seria was sobbing too. "And you're even keeping me here with you! You don't want me to reconcile things with her! You won't let me...! You're tearing me apart, Tanya...!"

[Tanya Christianson]

Tanya could feel her legs trembling with every moment that she intervened with Seria. She wanted to buckle and then curl up into a ball and just cry, but she wasn't going to. Not as long as Seria was acting the way she was. Seria was starting to cry as well and it was through Tanya's sheer willpower that she was able to still stand upright, even when her tears were falling to the floor and her face was scrunched up due to how much she was crying.

Hearing Seria call her selfish was soul crushing. She felt herself hunch over a little bit, the emotional pain she was feeling driving her insane as Seria continued to shout at her. Tanya never let her eyes stray from Seria, her eyes filled with intense feelings that propelled her to do the acts that she thought was best for Seria. She thought that the things she did were the best things for Seria. When Seria called her selfish, it sent her mind into a tailspin.

Tanya began vigorously shaking her head. Seria was making sense, but she didn't want to believe it personally. She didn't want to think that Amanda crying was her fault. All she wanted to do was keep Seria safe. She was one of her first friends here. She didn't want her to hurt herself and cry. However, right now Seria was crying because of her. Tanya was so confused. What the hell was she supposed to do? She didn't think she was wrong. She only wanted to help. Why didn't Seria understand?

"Seria..." Tanya muttered, trying her best to stay upright even though it felt like her friend was killing her from the inside. Tanya refused to budge. While Seria was her friend, she didn't think she was in the right state of mind. While Tanya was far from it as well, she still had the urge to convince her, even with all the crying she was doing.

"A-At least I have something to go off!" Tanya yelled, trying to come up with an argument as she confronted her friend. "M-m-maybe I don't trust it! H-h-how c-can I? I h-have no experience in w-what a relationship is like. A-a-all I have are T-TV shows and v-video games and f-f-films. H-how can I t-trust something so dangerous!? S-Seeing Oleg. S-s-seing Amanda. H-how can I b-b-blindly send you off into something l-l-like that, huh!?"

Tanya grimaced through her tears, trying to stay strong even though she wanted to just crumble. She was throwing all of her emotions and fears at Seria, fear obvious in her face. She couldn't let Seria do something that would harm her. She just couldn't. She'd feel forever guilty if she did something like that.

[Seria Floria]

Seria shook her head as she watched Tanya begin to break down before her. It may be true that Seria did not understand fully her viewpoint, but Tanya was also being fairly unreasonable in that Seria and Amanda's relationship thus far had only spanned about a week or so, and nothing dangerous had happened. Tanya was scared of the things that could potentially come of that, to be sure, but she wasn't giving either of them a chance. Seria didn't want it to come from Tanya - she didn't want a friend of her's to tell her that she should just break up with someone she genuinely had intense feelings for just because of something like that.

Seria gasped and heaved incredulously as Tanya began to throw the flimsy excuse of it being the only thing she has ever been exposed to. "Ridiculous...!" Seria gasped as she was trembling, and soon she began to move forward, towards Tanya, though the look in her eyes would tell Tanya that Seria had absolutely no intenton of leaving. No, Seria would now fight for the right to be able to let this relationship continue. It was even an absurdity that this scenario was even taking place right now. "Instead of supporting two people who genuinely have feelings with each other and making sure they're okay, you think it's a good idea to break them apart just because you're afraid of something out of some stupid video game or film or show?" Seria was looking at Tanya incredulously.

"Maybe I don't understand! But if 'understanding' entails being forced away from the one young lady I may have felt genuine, intense feelings for, then I don't want to understand! Let me go to her!"

[Tanya Christianson]

Tanya felt herself losing strength with every moment that passed. She wasn't sure how long she was going to be able to hold herself up. Her feelings of worry, angry and insecurity were welling up inside her and ripping her apart inside her. She looked physically in pain as she grasped her heart and looked up at Seria.

What could she do? Tanya didn't know. She felt like her emotions were spent, but she just was terrified for Seria. She hated seeing her friends in pain and yet, Seria was in pain and it was her fault. What the hell was wrong with her? 

"Shut up!" Was the only rebuttal she could give to Seria's first argument, her knees buckling ever more as she realized she was fighting a losing battle. She couldn't give up though. She had to keep on fighting. She had to. She had to she had to she had to.

By the time Seria had finished speaking, Tanya had fallen to the floor, losing all energy to keep herself upright. She looked a mess and she was a mess. Tanya had no idea how to handle the situation. She thought that if she just put her will into it, then it would make things better. She thought her will could influence Seria. It couldn't though. 

"I don't get it! I just don't get it!" Tanya shrieked, hands in her head as she continued to cry. Her eyes were turning red and puffy due to all the tears. She was a bonafide mess. "W-why would y-you do this? W-why? W-W-WHY!?"

[Seria Floria]

Seria was trembling even still, as her friend was now basically a crumpled wreck on the floor. Seria was panting and struggling to keep herself still, her legs quivered and it was clear that she too, wasn't going to back down. Tanya merely told Seria to shut up, and shut up she did, for a few moments. Seria wanted to apologize, she wanted to say sorry - but she couldn't, not when her friend was literally trying to separate her from someone she could probably confidently say she actually loved. She wasn't willing to do anything stupid like kill someone, but she was willing to defend the genuity of her emotions. At this point, it was pretty obvious to Seria that Tanya had lost it. It looked like she was either incapable of understanding this kind of emotion, or she was horribly misguided. Perhaps a mixture of both. Then again, with what she had been exposed to, Seria couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for her.

"Why would I do this...? Why...? Because I love her, that's why!" Seria boldly proclaimed, her fists clenched and also shaking madly. "I don't expect you to get it, but I won't allow you to stop me from chasing my own happiness, too." Seria weakly heaved, trying not to explode too much now that she's seen what a terrible state Tanya was in. This was definitely nothing like the Tanya she met and battled. This must have been very complicated for her...

[Tanya Christianson]

Tanya continued to cry, just unable to comprehend anymore. She just wanted to stop. She wanted it all to stop. She wanted the thoughts to go away. She wanted to calm down and not be shouting at her friend. The only thing this conversation managed to prove was that Tanya was out of her depth. She was trying to fight against something that couldn't be fought against. Maybe it was time she just accepted it.

If love was something that made Seria happy, maybe she should've just accepted it. It was easier that way. Easier than fighting and resisting and trying to help her. While she didn't want to give up, it probably was for the best that she give up. If she kept on fighting, she probably was just going to continue hurting the both of them.

She didn't know what to say to Seria though. Tanya had to take time to cry, letting some of her emotions out before she was able to talk to her again. With the way she had acted, Tanya wouldn't be surprised if Seria left her. She didn't want her to leave though. She didn't want to lose the close friendship that they had. That's why she clung to her leg, looking up at Seria as the intensity of the tears started to decrease.

"I'm sorry Seria." Tanya apologized, tears washing over her that made it hard for her to say anything. She eventually managed to rein in her emotions so that she could speak with her again. "I shouldn't of pushed so much. I was just scared, petrified. I had no idea what you were getting yourself into and I was pushing my beliefs onto you and passing them off as fact. Seeing Amanda cry like that, it freaked me out and caused me to over-think things. The only thing that went through my mind was protecting you."

At this point, Tanya started to let go of Seria. She continued to bawl, tears flowing down her face as she tried to wipe them away. The next words that came out of her mouth were driven by pure impulse and emotions.

"Please don't leave me Seria."

[Seria Floria]

Seria was panting, still, the tears rolled down her cheeks. She looked at Tanya, who was crying and crying, and it looked like she was slowly, but surely, recovering from the outburst. Seria sighed and looked down, and it was about this time that Tanya had begun to cling to her leg. She apologized, mentioning how she was just too scared, too worried, unsure of what was going to happen. She had no idea and of course, Amanda crying and reacting how she did (She was probably put on the spot, or she was afraid of something... That's why I have to get to her, you dummy!) obviously compounded to that. And that's what made Tanya want to 'protect her.' Seria sighed once Tanya let go of her.

"Please don't leave me, Seria."

Seria blinked and looked at Tanya. It looked like she was in genuine pain at this point; her mind was in the right place, but it was simply that she didn't get it, and thus thought that separation was the best solution. Seria kneeled down to Tanya's level, and then gave her a tight, reassuring hug.

"Sigh... It's okay... it's okay... I won't leave you. I was mad at you, but you're still my friend... It'll be fine, okay? Please don't worry about it."

[Tanya Christianson]

Once Seria stooped down to her level and hugged her, Tanya cried into Seria's shoulder, holding her in a tight embrace as she let the rest of her feelings about this situation spill out. She cried and cried, getting out all of the negative feelings that she had bottled up about the incident and letting them out in this moment of vulnerability that she didn't normally like people seeing. She preferred to be strong, fearless in the face of opposition. The fear of something unknown though was overwhelming to her.

After a long while, Tanya finally managed to stop crying. Sniffing and rubbing her eyes, she gave Seria a kind smile as she relinquished her grasp on her. Now that she had gotten her feelings out in the open and had confronted Seria about the issue, she felt significantly better.

"Sorry about that. It's been bubbling up inside me for a while and I guess I really needed a release." Tanya muttered sheepishly, looking away from Seria's eyes. "I guess I'm ok with what the two of you have now. I just want you to be safe Seria." She wanted to say something along the lines of "don't hurt yourself", but what the argument they had just had made her realize is that she probably should try putting some more faith in Seria.

"You should probably get to Amanda. She needs you much more than I do at the moment." Looking up into Seria's eyes, she gave her trademark smile once again. Even if Seria was going to pursue a relationship with Amanda, it didn't mean that she was going to let her go scot-free. She'd be keeping an eye on her and making sure she did the right thing. She wasn't going to be confrontational about it or make it obvious. She'll do it from the sidelines. It's probably Seria's thing to learn anyways. Before she let Seria go, she had a quick thought that she wanted to bring up with Amanda.

"Before you do go though, tell Amanda that she had no right in sending her Duskull after me to harass me. I know she was in a really bad state, but her Duskull said really hurtful things to me and I'd rather not think that she did it intentionally." She probably should do it in person, but she thought Seria would probably be a better person to tell her that. After all, the two of them were close to each other.

[Seria Floria]

Seria sighed as it seemed that all Tanya needed to do was get those thigs out there. She seemed infinitely more understanding than how she was mere moments ago, which came as a relief to Seria. Seria, deep inside, knew that no matter who else was out there, she'd care for Amanda and want to be with her. Seria could recognize that Tanya wanted her to be safe, but this Seria simply nodded and stood up, helping up Tanya to stand if she wanted to. "I'm sorry for yelling, I too was shaken up by my emotions... I know you wanted to protect me so to speak, but you've not even given us a chance..." Seria said sheepishly, though her voice was gentle now and nothing like it was earlier. Soon, Tanya gave Seria her blessings and mentioned how she should probably get to Amanda.

"Thank you... I'll go sort things out with her, and then I'll let her know about it." Seria nodded and looked ahead. "Thank you for understanding." The Nature dormer thought pensively for a moment. Amanda had a Duskull, huh? Weren't those Ghost Pokemon? Could be a mischievous one... Seria had a hard time believing it was intentional. Now come to think of it, if the Duskull said hurtful things to Tanya, it was probably a thing that the Duskull was just trying to make everyone miserable.

"...Yeah. You're right. I gotta sort that one out too. I have a bad feeling that Duskull isn't looking to make you the only miserable one!" Seria said as she began to leave.